Monday, October 15, 2012

on being fat

Yes, I said it.  I have this odd view of myself.  To start with, I’ve never been thin.  In high school I was a size 11.  I thought I was sooooo fat.  Geez.  Now I would be THRILLED to be a size 11.  Like I might have a party.  I wear an 18 or 20 these days.  But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see how I actually look.  In my mind’s eye, I’m still about a 14, or maybe a 16. 

That was until this weekend when I did a 5k with my mom and sisters.  More accurately, I did the mile portion with my sister who is sick.  My mom and other sister did the 5k (my mom finished 6th in her age group because she is a rock star).  Anyway.  The event started and finished at a local minor league baseball field.  The actual finish line was on the field which was kind of neat, so we had one of the people working the even take our picture.  Holy cow, I am fat. 

One of my sisters printed the picture off for me.  It is terrible.  I have very skillfully avoided full body shots for a very long time.  I know I am not thin, or even close to it.  I know I’m chubby. But I hadn’t really fully realized how bad I looked. 

Now this is not one of those “I’m fat and sad” posts.  It’s an “I’m acknowledging things are not how they should be/how I want them so I am going to work on fixing them.”  So, I’m getting back to using myFitnessPal and I’m joining a gym TODAY.  One that is on my way home from work.  And I’m going to start bringing my workout clothes to work and changing before I leave. I’m going to stop eating donuts for breakfast. 

When I discovered I had a soy allergy, I had to drastically change my diet.  Soy is in practically all convenience foods.  And then there are the peanut and sesame seed allergies too.  Oh boy, I do a lot of label reading.  I lost about ten pounds the first week and a half that I changed my diet.  Now it’s leveled off.  Despite eating fairly healthy, all the fat is just hanging in with me.  Ug. 

But we’re going to do something about it.  I want to feel better about myself.  No, I probably won’t ever be bikini thin, but I know I can definitely feel better about how I look.  So, to keep myself accountable, this week will begin Work-It Wednesday.  I’m going to keep track of how often I actually make it to the gym and what I do.  And maybe some updates on how it’s going and how I’m feeling.  Yes, I want to be thinner, but I also want to feel better, both physically and about myself.

I just finished making these.  It's been too cold to want my smoothies for breakfast.  When it's chilly, I need something warm.  That something warm has been a cappuccino and a donut from QT.  Not healthy in the least little bit.  So I'm hoping these egg "muffins" will do the trick.
In my egg muffins I used a dozen eggs, some diced white onion, chopped Canadian bacon, shredded Colby-Jack cheese, and some Cajun seasoning.  Can't wait to try them in the morning!

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